The Official Meaningless Boat Race Thread

When I was in San Francisco recently, I saw a small sign about some sort of yacht race. I asked around but nobody seemed to know anything about it. I think it's because unless one was bullied in a private school growing up they have no interest in it. I'm certainly not interested but wanted to create a thread kind of as a barometer of an individual's masculinity in case they are.

I'm just glad I live in America where no one even slightly cares about boat racing, save for a few male prostitutes in San Francisco and their Johns.

I have never been a boating person. I have zero interest in all things boating. I went on a cruise a little over a year ago and I thought it was incredibly boring. The whole time I wished I was on land.

I don't understand how anyone can get excited about lugging a sail boat behind a Chevy Tahoe, unloading it into the water and then puttering around the bay for four hours and spending an inordinate amount of money in the process. All the while wearing stupid looking blue and white striped shirts with boat shoes and khaki pants.

I can understand how someone might be interested in taking a boat out on a lake to do some fishing and drinking but the idea of boat storage, cleaning, hauling and then cruising around the ocean just seems pointless to me.

I don't like waterskiiing either.

The fact that I'm a golfer and snow skier probably has a lot to do with how I feel about boating.

Good thing this thread is official. There are a bunch of poseur boat racing threads all over the place.

I assume you're talking about sail boats. I have no strong opinion either way, but it seems like a real waste of time. I know sailing is big in New Zealand. Really any type of activity that allows Kiwis to escape their little island.

I don't know a whole lot about boat racing or boats but have lived on the Pacific for several years and have some experience on the North Atlantic, have saved one big sailboat from sinking and helped sink a bunch of others so here goes. There are three kinds of boat races just as there are three kinds of boats. Sail, people-powered, and motor-powered. Now the people powered boat races are what you see in the Olympics and on rivers and lakes in university towns around the western world. Then there are the sail-powered boat races. The biggest deal in this realm is the Americas Cup. Now I have done a fair amount of sailing on the Chesapeake Bay and its tributaries and have to say that although it can be very relaxing, it is a mostly boring and frustrating affair and reminds me of warfare back before anybody had gunpowder. Like sometimes when I watch a movie about ancient battles, I get to thinking how cool it would have been if out of the sky dropped a couple of pallets hooked up to parachutes and containing AK-47's, loads of full 30 round mags, frag grenades, RPG's, a few Squad Automatic Weapons along with boxes of loaded belts and rudimentary picto-graph instructions for operating same so that the side that got the goodies from the future would have their game changes. Anyway, that's what being in a sailboat that's racing other sailboats is like for me. Damned if it wouldn't be cool to drop the rags and push a button and get this mo-dicker up on plane and cruise into the docks around 25 KT's and let those other fuddy-duddies worry about trimming their jibs and mains.

On the other hand, I've heard little in the way of other petro-fueld internal combustion motors that compare with the sounds and vibes of those old twelve cylinder off-shore racers with their glistening mahogany hulls from the Days of Yore.

Having a proud history of winning the America's Cup 5-0 off the Yanks in San Diego in 1995 and then defending it against the Italians 5-0 in Auckland in 2000 I assume this thread is a shameless troll of New Zealand's sailing prowess. Being hopeless at something it is an automatic response to feign zero interest in it so I don't blame you guys. Stick to your 'World Series' of baseball and your Superbowl. Leave the truly international competition to the rest of the world. After all we saw what happened when you tried to compete on an international level in the embarrassing Ryder Cup. Stick with your in-house competitions. You seem to do quite well at those.

I have no truck with your countrymen winning those races. Perhaps if the Yank craft were owned and commanded by men who are not assholes like Ted Turner and his ilk. And when you live in a relatively small island surrounded by gadzillions of square miles of blue water, I can understand the allure.

Kiwigolfer wrote:Having a proud history of winning the America's Cup 5-0 off the Yanks in San Diego in 1995 and then defending it against the Italians 5-0 in Auckland in 2000 I assume this thread is a shameless troll of New Zealand's sailing prowess. Being hopeless at something it is an automatic response to feign zero interest in it so I don't blame you guys. Stick to your 'World Series' of baseball and your Superbowl. Leave the truly international competition to the rest of the world. After all we saw what happened when you tried to compete on an international level in the embarrassing Ryder Cup. Stick with your in-house competitions. You seem to do quite well at those.

What is the America's Cup?

FamousDavis wrote:

Kiwigolfer wrote:Having a proud history of winning the America's Cup 5-0 off the Yanks in San Diego in 1995 and then defending it against the Italians 5-0 in Auckland in 2000 I assume this thread is a shameless troll of New Zealand's sailing prowess. Being hopeless at something it is an automatic response to feign zero interest in it so I don't blame you guys. Stick to your 'World Series' of baseball and your Superbowl. Leave the truly international competition to the rest of the world. After all we saw what happened when you tried to compete on an international level in the embarrassing Ryder Cup. Stick with your in-house competitions. You seem to do quite well at those.

What is the America's Cup?

No idea, but if you listen to kiwi go on and on you'd think it was the named the New Zealand cup. NOT!

My father-in-law owned a sailboat when my wife was growing up. It was 28' long and they would sail it in races often with their yatch club in New Mexico. Stupid, right?. The boat had some fancy name but the club renamed it the "God Damn it Sue!" because he was always screaming that at his wife, my mother-in-law. It used to piss him off. Before boating he was big into mountaineering. He was set to go to South America on some big climb and work held him back. 2 of his best friends died on that trip. He gave up mountaineering and bought a boat. Reality set in fast watching his friends wife and kids try to cope with life without their father in the 1960's.

I went out with them a couple of times. Boring shiat. Luckily he didn't care if I got drunk as long as I kept it together. I did and did.

They retired to Key West and did some crossings to the islands, blah, blah, blah. Seems better than owning a land yacht.

Growing up, my neighbor friend's dad, the 'rent's were divorced, had a hobiecat. I think it was about 16' long. That thing was a blast. We were about 14-16 years old and we made a nuisance of ourselves with that boat. Some divorced dads are cool. He would piss his ex off by letting us do stupid shit. BTW - That friend was the one that got gunned down outside of his house for being a sancho with his neighbor's wife.

America's Cup. Sounds like it has already been won.

Kiwigolfer wrote:Having a proud history of winning the America's Cup 5-0 off the Yanks in San Diego in 1995 and then defending it against the Italians 5-0 in Auckland in 2000 I assume this thread is a shameless troll of New Zealand's sailing prowess. Being hopeless at something it is an automatic response to feign zero interest in it so I don't blame you guys. Stick to your 'World Series' of baseball and your Superbowl. Leave the truly international competition to the rest of the world. After all we saw what happened when you tried to compete on an international level in the embarrassing Ryder Cup. Stick with your in-house competitions. You seem to do quite well at those.

So then there is in fact some boat race coming up? Does anyone know about this? Seriously, I'm over here working on selecting a new bike (I'm becoming the FD of bikes), the baseball season is approaching the All Star Break (yes, halfway to the World Series), football is gearing up (you can tell by the mass murders) and the beautiful North American summer is in full swing. To us, sail boat racing falls in right behind playing cards. There's a reason it's being held in San Francisco, I just hope they don't run out of KY before the sailors leave.

BTW, my sympathies on only beating the Italians 5-0.

I like to think I have sea legs. I would regularly get out on a 42' tri hull sail boat with the old man.
It was the most boring time I ever spent on water.
Took forever and a day to get anywhere, nearly died on a trip in frigid stormy seas.
20 foot waves crashed across the bow, of course the sails got dropped, and we relied on the small Diesel engine to get us across.
The decks were covered in puke. Horrible experience.

I did get on board a 80 something footer, with twin 16 cylinder diesels.
It was state of the art at the time, not built for seriously rough seas, but it had satellite navigation that allowed it to outrun storms with a 50 knot cruising speed.
You heard nothing when at those speeds, as the exhaust was designed to exit underneath at planing speeds to be sucked out, creating negative back pressure, and another couple hundred horse out those 4 turbo each Diesel engines.
It sunk I think off Catalina island some years back.
I admit I have a land yacht now, with slide outs, that's a home on wheels, with all the amenities of home.  I drop it at a nice campground, and visit parks, museums, places of interest.
My way of roughing it.

Pig, I don't know anything about RV-s but I've been thinking about maybe giving it a whirl. What makes sense to me is the traveling around and setting up shop wherever you like. Maybe one week surfing in Mexico. The next, enjoying a storm system in the Rockies.

Some might be put off by the driving but for me it's part of the appeal. I used to fly back and forth to California whenever I'd go there until I figured out I prefer to drive it. These days I have the perfect driveway on the side of my house for RV storage.

What doesn't seem appealing to me is the element of people I've encountered at RV campgrounds. After all, sometimes you need hookups and exchange, right? I'm trying to remember from going with friends in their RV's. Anyways, don't you find pretty much a collection of low income people there? I don't disparage them but I don't want to live amongst them even for just a night or two.

So as an RV-er, is it reasonably possible to do your thing while avoiding that element?

Lorenzzo wrote:Pig, I don't know anything about RV-s but I've been thinking about maybe giving it a whirl.  What makes sense to me is the traveling around and setting up shop wherever you like.  Maybe one week surfing in Mexico.  The next, enjoying a storm system in the Rockies.  

Some might be put off by the driving but for me it's part of the appeal.  I used to fly back and forth to California whenever I'd go there until I figured out I prefer to drive it.  These days I have the perfect driveway on the side of my house for RV storage.

What doesn't seem appealing to me is the element of people I've encountered at RV campgrounds.  After all, sometimes you need hookups and exchange, right?  I'm trying to remember from going with friends in their RV's.  Anyways, don't you find pretty much a collection of low income people there?  I don't disparage them but I don't want to live amongst them even for just a night or two.

So as an RV-er, is it reasonably possible to do your thing while avoiding that element?

The only "boat" I've ever driven was my family's Buick Station Wagon back in 1985. All of my friends called it the boat. I called it the love boat because all of the seats folded down and you had plenty of room to frolic with the babes. I made them call me skipper.

FamousDavis wrote:

Lorenzzo wrote:Pig, I don't know anything about RV-s but I've been thinking about maybe giving it a whirl.  What makes sense to me is the traveling around and setting up shop wherever you like.  Maybe one week surfing in Mexico.  The next, enjoying a storm system in the Rockies.  

Some might be put off by the driving but for me it's part of the appeal.  I used to fly back and forth to California whenever I'd go there until I figured out I prefer to drive it.  These days I have the perfect driveway on the side of my house for RV storage.

What doesn't seem appealing to me is the element of people I've encountered at RV campgrounds.  After all, sometimes you need hookups and exchange, right?  I'm trying to remember from going with friends in their RV's.  Anyways, don't you find pretty much a collection of low income people there?  I don't disparage them but I don't want to live amongst them even for just a night or two.

So as an RV-er, is it reasonably possible to do your thing while avoiding that element?

The only "boat" I've ever driven was my family's Buick Station Wagon back in 1985.   All of my friends called it the boat.  I called it the love boat because all of the seats folded down and you had plenty of room to frolic with the babes.  I made them call me skipper.

Yes, it's great having a vehicle for sex because you can pull over when you need to. Just ask tonyj5.

Lorenzzo wrote:Pig, I don't know anything about RV-s but I've been thinking about maybe giving it a whirl.  What makes sense to me is the traveling around and setting up shop wherever you like.  Maybe one week surfing in Mexico.  The next, enjoying a storm system in the Rockies.  

Some might be put off by the driving but for me it's part of the appeal.  I used to fly back and forth to California whenever I'd go there until I figured out I prefer to drive it.  These days I have the perfect driveway on the side of my house for RV storage.

What doesn't seem appealing to me is the element of people I've encountered at RV campgrounds.  After all, sometimes you need hookups and exchange, right?  I'm trying to remember from going with friends in their RV's.  Anyways, don't you find pretty much a collection of low income people there?  I don't disparage them but I don't want to live amongst them even for just a night or two.

So as an RV-er, is it reasonably possible to do your thing while avoiding that element?

Not Including my parents motorhomes, I've had 2 a Barth and a Winnebago. The Barth is a Cadillac. I went travel trailer though, one was an Airsteam, now it's a Monaco made unit, insulated unit for possible freezing temps. I unhook my truck, and with 4 doors, and enough torque to embarrass a few exotic racers at the stoplight. I can go to the Smithsonian, or Monticello, MT Vernon, Williamsburg, Saint Augustine, Disney, it's endless, There's a lot of campgrounds to lay your head down, some are very kid friendly, to crazy partying, to blue hairs with there million dollar buses, if you want to party in the keys for New Years to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon you got a place. People are from all walks of life, and campgrounds are generally safe havens. There's security.
You can tow a Jeep Grand Cherokee behind a bus. You put it in park, and the transfer Case in neutral.
You can put your golf car on a trailer behind your jeep, hummer, kind of like a caravan with a cigar in your mouth.
Everyone knows you got it.

In nautical terms, the tow-behind vehicle is called a "dinghy". Now there's also a hierarchy of dinghies. For the tiny 21" rag-boat, the dinghy could be a little aluminum skiff barely capable of holding 200 pounds of sailor. On one of those mega motor yachts, the dingy could be a thousand horsepower Cigarette.

My wife has hinted in the recent past that we should sell our house and buy a motorhome large enough to live in and just cruise the hemisphere. Problem is neither of us speak Spanish or Canadian. I have some latent skills in Latin and French and she can get along in Gaelic but the real problem is that we can't sell our house now 'cause its under water. Not the underwater caused by flooding.

Judging from the replies there are very few sailors amongst you but if you but get a chance try and watch some of this series. Traditionally the America's Cup has been contested in mono hulls which are big and slow and to the uninitiated about as exciting as watching paint dry. But this years event is being contested in amazing multi hull catamarans that have foils on the hulls and they literally rise out of the water and give the appearance of flying like a hover craft. The technology in these boats is incredible and they are reaching speeds of 40 knots in 18 knot wind. They are like watching a pair of drag racers on water.

Even if sailing doesn't interest you I doubt you'll fail to be impressed by these boats.

BBQpig wrote:

Lorenzzo wrote:Pig, I don't know anything about RV-s but I've been thinking about maybe giving it a whirl.  What makes sense to me is the traveling around and setting up shop wherever you like.  Maybe one week surfing in Mexico.  The next, enjoying a storm system in the Rockies.  

Some might be put off by the driving but for me it's part of the appeal.  I used to fly back and forth to California whenever I'd go there until I figured out I prefer to drive it.  These days I have the perfect driveway on the side of my house for RV storage.

What doesn't seem appealing to me is the element of people I've encountered at RV campgrounds.  After all, sometimes you need hookups and exchange, right?  I'm trying to remember from going with friends in their RV's.  Anyways, don't you find pretty much a collection of low income people there?  I don't disparage them but I don't want to live amongst them even for just a night or two.

So as an RV-er, is it reasonably possible to do your thing while avoiding that element?

Not Including my parents motorhomes, I've had 2 a Barth and a Winnebago. The Barth is a Cadillac. I went travel trailer though, one was an Airsteam, now it's a Monaco made unit, insulated unit for possible freezing temps.  I unhook my truck, and with 4 doors, and enough torque to embarrass a few exotic racers at the stoplight. I can go to the Smithsonian, or Monticello, MT Vernon, Williamsburg, Saint Augustine, Disney, it's endless, There's a lot of campgrounds to lay your head down, some are very kid friendly, to crazy partying, to blue hairs with there million dollar buses, if you want to party in the keys for New Years  to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon you got a place. People are from all walks of life, and campgrounds are generally safe havens. There's security.
You can tow a Jeep Grand Cherokee behind a bus. You put it in park, and the transfer Case in neutral.
You can put your golf car on a trailer behind your jeep, hummer, kind of like a caravan with a cigar in your mouth.
Everyone knows you got it.

I may be exploring possibilities next spring. I like the idea of driving up to Montana and Wyoming, finding a spot and hanging around. I'd search out some places near fishable streams, high alpine scenery and biking and throw some stuff on the barbie. Which reminds me, saw a mama bear and her cub out biking the other day. First time this year.

Kiwigolfer wrote:Judging from the replies there are very few sailors amongst you but if you but get a chance try and watch some of this series. Traditionally the America's Cup has been contested in mono hulls which are big and slow and to the uninitiated about as exciting as watching  paint dry. But this years event is being contested in amazing multi hull catamarans that have foils on the hulls and they literally rise out of the water and give the appearance of flying like a hover craft. The technology in these boats is incredible  and they are reaching speeds of 40 knots in 18 knot wind. They are like watching a pair of drag racers on water.

Even if sailing doesn't interest you I doubt you'll fail to be impressed by these boats.

Tell you what, when they figure out how to get those boats up to an altitude of, say, 500 feet, let us know, we'll tune in.

After owning the Italian syndicate Luna Rossa to win the Louis Vuitton Cup we are now making the American defenders Oracle our bitches leading the series 6-1 in the first to nine race series. The defenders are in full panic mode now pulling the 'we don't want to play' card on Tuesday afternoon (a rule that was supposed to be used when your boat is damaged not because your crew is spooked) and sacking their navigator after Tuesdays race. Their billionaire owner Larry Ellison can't be happy. Pouring millions into a campaign where no expense is spared to buy the best crew and build the best boat and yet they are being owned by some little upstart, tin pot team from NZ on a shoestring budget. Must be a b!tch to spend all that money and still be beaten by a faster boat with a better crew.

Looks like the America's Cup is heading back to it's spiritual homeland NZ and the next meaningless boat race series will be sailed in Auckland. As the spiritual guardians of the America's Cup we will try and keep it out of the hands of American billionaires in future.

Kiwigolfer wrote:After owning the Italian syndicate Luna Rossa to win the Louis Vuitton Cup we are now making the American defenders Oracle our bitches leading the series 6-1 in the first to nine race series. The defenders are in full panic mode now pulling the 'we don't want to play' card on Tuesday afternoon (a rule that was supposed to be used when your boat is damaged not because your crew is spooked) and sacking their navigator after Tuesdays race. Their billionaire owner Larry Ellison can't be happy. Pouring millions into a campaign where no expense is spared to buy the best crew and build the best boat and yet they are being owned by some little upstart, tin pot team from NZ on a shoestring budget. Must be a b!tch to spend all that money and still be beaten by a faster boat with a better crew.

Looks like the America's Cup is heading back to it's spiritual homeland NZ and the next meaningless boat race series will be sailed in Auckland. As the spiritual guardians of the America's Cup we will try and keep it out of the hands of American billionaires in future.

So you trounced a Silicon Valley computer geek with sailboats and you're bragging about it? Am I getting the gist?

Lorenzzo wrote:
So you trounced a Silicon Valley computer geek with sailboats and you're bragging about it?  Am I getting the gist?

Aw man please don't go belittling this great achievement. In NZ this is being hailed as the greatest thing we've done since ... since ... er ... since ... Ok you got me. Since Hilary climbed Everest in 1953 - but the Poms claimed that glory.

Kiwigolfer wrote:

Lorenzzo wrote:
So you trounced a Silicon Valley computer geek with sailboats and you're bragging about it?  Am I getting the gist?

Aw man please don't go belittling this great achievement. In NZ this is being hailed as the greatest thing we've done  since ... since ... er ... since ... Ok you got me. Since Hilary climbed Everest in 1953 - but the Poms claimed that glory.

Well then congratulations on giving that skilled sailor and athlete Larry Ellison a what for. Your entire country should be very proud.

Are you guys planning on entering a team into the World Series this year?

Boat races. Fastest large vessel I ever saw was the U.S.S. Enterprise (CVN 65), the first US nuke-powered aircraft carrier. On a pleasant Sunday afternoon on seas like glass in the Gulf of Tonkin, a few of us lucky souls were treated to the ultimate spectacle of ocean speed. From a dead stop maybe 12 miles to our stern, she opened up her reactors to 110% and several minutes later was abreast of us maybe a quarter mile off our port side. We were steaming at 22 knots and her wake put us on a 35* roll as she barrelled past. Her rooster tail was as high as her flight deck. A few minutes later, she disappeared over the horizon. One of my buddies was operating the surface radar tracking her course and speed. Later he told me that our surface radar was not able to track speeds greater than 65 knots and that she exceeded that speed before steaming out of site. That's over 70 mph. With 5,000 officers and men aboard--the full battle compliment. And over 100 jet fighters and bombers.

The next morning we all started back up on the bombing missions over Hanoi.

Mongrel wrote:
The next morning we all started back up on the bombing missions over Hanoi.

Damn you Mongrel... you guys should NEVER stop bombing Hanoi